Thursday, December 20, 2007

If I was a Communist Dictator….

1. Britney Spears, P-Diddy, Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie, Missy Elliott, Snoop Dogg, Lil John, Lindsay Lohan and people of their ilk would be loaded onto a bus and driven off a cliff

2. The obnoxious kiosk sales people at the mall would not be allowed to accost you as you try to shop

3. Mimes and clowns would be banned—they creep me out

4. Anybody who let their dog poop in my yard would get their nose rubbed in it

5. Rachel Ray would be a mute

6. The police would work on real crimes (robbery, assault, murder, etc.) and not worry about me speeding

7. All shopping malls would be razed and sporting goods stores built in their place

8. Anyone associated with soft rock in any way would be sent to a gulag. This includes family. There can be no exceptions

9. Arrested Development would immediately be back on TV and continue in perpetuity

10. I would never register my car, get an inspection, pay my taxes, wait at the DMV or deal with government bureaucracy in any other way


Justin said...

Sounds like you're basically a libertarian... Welcome to the party!

Julie said...

Ben! you freaking crack me up and I agree with you on most things. My siter-in-law agrees on the police thing since she currently has a warrant out for her arrest for drving without a Colorado license.

Natalie said...

Pretty funny. I'm impressed/surprised that you know who all those famous people are. I see that your friend, Justin, thinks you sound like a libertarian-maybe you should look into Ron Paul. Chad has brainwashed me, I guess.

Craftymistress said...

I totally agree about Rachel Ray, although don't you think it might be more satisfying if she were forced to wear a muzzle? And I, as I am sure you already know, am guilty of loving soft rock. Air Supply, Journey, REO Speedwagon . . .they're my life!

Jill said...

Maybe you should be the one sent to a gulag to escape all these annoyances. And BTW, rude about Rachael Ray!:D

shannon said... kill me every time. and i agree with you 110% about Rachael Ray being mute...gosh she bugs!

Jana said...

LOL!! How thoughtless to make no exceptions for your family.

carlene said...

...this is Whit Wow....your blogs always make me laugh...thanks lol....yeah Rachel Ray....mute...that would be great!

shannon said...

don't you think it's about time to put up a new post? i am having withdrawls.

shannon said...

i need a new blog! and happy birthday tomorrow!